Tommys View on Domestic Violence


I don’t mean to sound like a broken record but my son Tommy is so emotionally scarred and its my fault. Why I ask myself every day, do I put myself and my kids in the positions I do. Their father is not a bad guy and loves his kids so much. He is just a bad guy to me. The reason for this post is for what tommy said to my mother the other day. I got a new job and have been working quite a lot of hours on top of school, so I haven’t been around as much as I need to be to comfort my children with all thats going on with us. I believe thats why Tommy is acting out the way he is, as well as whats going on with our lives.
Tommy like most five year old boys thinks he’s got superman strength. And lately he has been acting a little bit more violent then usual. So while my mother was watching him one night, he looks at her and says “Grandma guess what I can beat you up”, well my mom playing it off looks at him and says “no you can’t Tommy and you shouldn’t want to beat grandma up”. Well Tommy ignores what she says and runs over to my step dad (who I have also had issues with in the past but that would be for a different blog) and says “grampy I can beat you up”. Well grampy is a bit different then grandma and says “No you couldn’t Tommy, I am way stronger then you”. So Tommy says “Well you couldn’t beat up my dad, no one could, he’s strong, he puts bruises all over mommy”. I don’t know what was said after that because I am getting two conflicting stories from my mother and my son, but either way those words did come out of my sons mouth.
So for the last few days those words have been haunting my brain. Does my son really think its cool that daddy did do that to me? Does he really think this behavior is okay? I don’t know what to think. He’s become so violent lately, and he has become extremely attached to his father as well. My mom of course offering no solution to the problem tells me “you need to figure your life out”. Guess what mom, I am trying, I have been trying I am working hard to make sure my kids have a christmas, a life and a future. I am working until I can’t stand, which is leading me to become behind on my school work. I am on as many waiting lists as possible for public housing but guess what? Its not to easy to get in.Its just not that easy to solve this issue. I am on my own with two kids who have seen and have heard so much. All I can do is try. Why though does my son think this is okay? Well my thoughts are that actions speak louder then words so everytime I walk back into that mans life for the past 5 years makes it a little bit more okay the next time it happens. Until finally I believe Tommy is at the point of thinking this is completely normal. Therapy is the only way I think I can reverse this thinking at this point. So is that the right answer? Is there a right answer? I would love to hear what you think America. Because right now I am one lost mommy.

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