Statistics on Domestic violence

Well since this seems to be the theme of quite a few of my blogs because that happens to be apart of my parenting style unfortunately here are a couple, well a boat load of domestic violence statistics for you all to enjoy thanks to http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/

■Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
■Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
■Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
■Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
■Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
■Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
■Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern.
■Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.
■Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.
■The costs of intimate partner violence in the US alone exceed $5.8 billion per year: $4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly $1.8 billion.
********■Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.******************* (my biggest fear :(…)


Tommys View on Domestic Violence

I don’t mean to sound like a broken record but my son Tommy is so emotionally scarred and its my fault. Why I ask myself every day, do I put myself and my kids in the positions I do. Their father is not a bad guy and loves his kids so much. He is just a bad guy to me. The reason for this post is for what tommy said to my mother the other day. I got a new job and have been working quite a lot of hours on top of school, so I haven’t been around as much as I need to be to comfort my children with all thats going on with us. I believe thats why Tommy is acting out the way he is, as well as whats going on with our lives.
Tommy like most five year old boys thinks he’s got superman strength. And lately he has been acting a little bit more violent then usual. So while my mother was watching him one night, he looks at her and says “Grandma guess what I can beat you up”, well my mom playing it off looks at him and says “no you can’t Tommy and you shouldn’t want to beat grandma up”. Well Tommy ignores what she says and runs over to my step dad (who I have also had issues with in the past but that would be for a different blog) and says “grampy I can beat you up”. Well grampy is a bit different then grandma and says “No you couldn’t Tommy, I am way stronger then you”. So Tommy says “Well you couldn’t beat up my dad, no one could, he’s strong, he puts bruises all over mommy”. I don’t know what was said after that because I am getting two conflicting stories from my mother and my son, but either way those words did come out of my sons mouth.
So for the last few days those words have been haunting my brain. Does my son really think its cool that daddy did do that to me? Does he really think this behavior is okay? I don’t know what to think. He’s become so violent lately, and he has become extremely attached to his father as well. My mom of course offering no solution to the problem tells me “you need to figure your life out”. Guess what mom, I am trying, I have been trying I am working hard to make sure my kids have a christmas, a life and a future. I am working until I can’t stand, which is leading me to become behind on my school work. I am on as many waiting lists as possible for public housing but guess what? Its not to easy to get in.Its just not that easy to solve this issue. I am on my own with two kids who have seen and have heard so much. All I can do is try. Why though does my son think this is okay? Well my thoughts are that actions speak louder then words so everytime I walk back into that mans life for the past 5 years makes it a little bit more okay the next time it happens. Until finally I believe Tommy is at the point of thinking this is completely normal. Therapy is the only way I think I can reverse this thinking at this point. So is that the right answer? Is there a right answer? I would love to hear what you think America. Because right now I am one lost mommy.


When life throws curve balls at you, what happens to your children?

My children are tough, they are strong and they deal with a lot of stuff that kids there age should never have to. We don’t have that happy home with mommy and daddy. Daddy goes to work the family sits down for dinner and everyone talks about their day. No we don’t have that. Right now with things the way they are, my kids have no structure. But even when things were not as bad, my kids still didn’t have the structure they needed. Mommy has always had a hard time keeping things together, and my boys adjusted to whatever it is I was going through or doing at that time. I am so scared right now because I feel like my kids are having to grow up way to fast and no kid should have to do that. The jumping from house to house, the never having money, the never having gas to get them where they need to go. Sometimes having to beg for a place to stay, and even sometimes running out of food (thank god for food banks), All those worries that I have and the stress and the disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach, my kids experience the same exact feelings which should never happen. My boys are so confused and lost. I can see the discomfort in their eyes and all I can do is try and make it better.

My mother has some sort of structure for my brother, but she lets him control the house. My brother believes he should have what he wants when he wants it. He doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to. So when my mother is in a jam, my brother doesn’t understand why he isn’t getting what he should be. The only good thing I can say about my mother’s situation is atleast she has a roof and takes care of her kid and makes sure her kid has what he needs. That kid doesn’t feel what my kids feel, he doesn’t feel the hurt and pain. And I give her credit for that.

So world what do you do? What do you do when your situation gets out of control and all its doing is breaking your children?