The other day I went to pick up Tommy and Dil from daycare and the weirdest thing happened. The teachers told me that Dil was refusing to eat all day and couldn’t stop crying. Usually Dil is the type of kid that runs around crazy and breaks things and never has a care in the world. So when I hear that my baby is feeling insecure it honestly made me cry. As soon as I walked in the room to get him from snack time, he started eating and drinking. I just felt so horrible because I am the reason he is feeling insecure.
Right now we are homeless. We moved out of a house we were living in with their dad because the abuse started getting out of control. My sons were picking up on it and acting out the same way their father was. So I knew changes had to be made so I did what I had to do. Since we haven’t had a stable place to stay, the boys have been feeling very insecure. It shows in everything. Unfortunately this is a really confusing time for them and they don’t get why this is happening. When I asked Tommy why he thinks its ok to hit and spit on me and laugh about it, he just said “we’ll daddy does it”. That burned me to the core.
When kids experience things like abuse and homelessness it changes their whole outlook and perspective. I can understand the insecurity that is there because I feel it to, every time I look for a new place to sleep for us that night. Some might say I made a stupid decision but for me it was the right one. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking abuse is ok but then again I don’t want them growing up insecure because mommy can’t find a place to live. Children’s lives get destroyed when they don’t have stability. I was told once that stability is the most important thing for a child and unfortunately right now I can’t give them that.
I hate seeing my kids cry, I hate the pain they feel and I feel it to. They love their father and they have every right to, so this affects them in that way to. They went from having a bed to sleep in at night to not knowing where we are going to be tomorrow. I put us in this situation, but I will get us out because the love you feel for a child is strong enough to conquer any problems in your path. My kids are stressed, but mommy will somehow make it work and make them feel better because they deserve it. They deserve a life without watching their mother get abused though as well. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar? I am curious to know?