Single parenting, Hurtful or helpful?


I have been a single mother on and off for 5 years now. Honestly single parenting has always terrified me and probably always will. How do you know if single parenting is the right step to make? Some women don’t have the choice and end up single mothers because the fathers want nothing to do with their children. But what about when its your choice as a mother to be a single parent?

 Recently, I have cut off all contact with my kids father for reasons I have explained I earlier posts. In my opinion, as a mother, cutting him out of my life is probably the best thing I could do for my children. Between the domestic violence and just plain never having a nice word to say to each other, it was getting out of hand to where my sons thought it was okay to treat me the same way. Tommy and Dill’s father though is honestly a good father, just not a good, well anything else at his point in his life. My children were affected before the whole split and they are definitely affected now. Tommy is constantly asking me, “Why doesn’t daddy want to see me today mommy?” Honestly all I can do is sit there and tell him daddy is sick or daddy is at school or daddy is doing something. Even though I have a lot of hatred built up for their father,  I would rather my boys not. I stayed with their father in a messed up situation for years to ensure that my boys had a roof over their head and food on their plate.  It got to the point though that I became ready to break free and believe that within myself I can find the strength and resources to provide these things for my sons. My sons are hurt though, they are confused all the time and their is nothing I can do to make them feel better. I know some day they will feel better and in the long run that they are better off but are they?

My mother and her husband raise Phil in a two parent house hold. Phil like I have mentioned in earlier posts is a very spoiled basically only child considering his closest in age sibling is 19. Phil has his mommy and daddy at all times, as well as a two parent household income. Income in my opinion really does increase a child’s happiness because they are not needing of anything. Even though there have been problems in my moms and step dads relationship, they stick it out, which I find interesting. My mom is one of those people who doesn’t let go very well, which sort of passed on to me. My step father is an alcoholic and has mental health issues, which I know have affected my brother, but my brother is pretty much for the most part a happy kid. Did they make the right decision? I will never know, I kind of sit back and watch the situation play out.

Now Chuckie’s mom is a single mom as well. She has 2 kids that she cares for and figures out all the time how to raise them on their own. Chuckie’s father was in jail for 6 years of his life, so he did have a couple men come in and out and try and raise him like they were his father. He has a little half brother to a man that was abusive to his mother. In my observations, income is one of the biggest factors on if a child is happy with a single parent or not. Chuckie has nothing, then all the sudden he will have everything and then in  blink of an eye its all taken away again. I imagine that’s hard on a child’s ego and he must not expect much out of life since life hasn’t given him much in return. 3 men have stepped in to raise Chuckie since he was born, and they all come in an out of his if as well. Now that his father is out of jail, he is not having much contact with him either. The only person he’s ever had consistent in his life is his mother and that’s a rare thing as well.

So in the end, my biggest question is, does growing up without a mother or father in a child’s life hurt them? Or in the long run can it help them? What’s right or wrong when it comes to being a single parent, or even a two parent homed family? That’s where I wish you would tune in America and help me out, Maybe on some of your own experiences?

 

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