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The effects of only child syndrome, How we play into it as parents.


My brother Phil is 5, we are 20 years apart. When Phil was born the closest sibling to his age was 14 years old. According to a lot of research and studies I have read, Phil since he is so distant in age from my sisters and I, has only child tendencies. First let me say, my  mom being 40 when she had him, makes a huge difference in how she parents today rather than when we were little. I have noticed over the years that Phil has only child syndrome. My mother always tried to say that since our children were so close in age that Phil felt like he had a brother but I don’t believe it. 

 Phil, does not eat anything he doesn’t want to eat. He has to be the pickiest kid in the world. I bought him a ham hoagie one time, and he absolutely refused to eat it. So I started watching my mom to see how she handles this situation, and she gives in to whatever he wants. If Phil wants to eat a bag of Doritos for dinner, he’s aloud. I have been helping with raising him since the day he was born and honestly he hates when he’s with me because I don’t  play those rules. I am sure most can relate but when we were kids we were forced to sit at the table until we tried whatever it was that we did not want to eat. Phil doesn’t have those rules and when I tried to have him do that when he stayed at my house he refused, and didn’t end up getting anything else to eat that night. When I told my mother what I had done, she was furious with me. I couldn’t understand it because this is the same woman who tried to make me eat asparagus so I threw it against the wall ha. Then I realized its because Phil is the baby, and Phil is the only boy, so therefore Phil gets a different kind of treatment.

 When families have only one child, I believe that they spoil that child which doesn’t really prepare them for the real world. With Phil and his stubborn picky eating habits, he is not getting the nutrition he needs. Phil lives on Doritos and chicken nuggets, and my mother sees no issue with this. When it comes to my own kids, since I do make them try everything, they have a larger selection of foods they like to eat and they are healthy babies. Health concerns me when it comes to Phil, and since he’s aloud to have whatever he wants, he probably won’t start getting it

Lately, even though I know he just started kindergarten which could honestly change the way a child reacts to their environment, he has had a lot of attitude. He looks at my mother some days and says mom unless you do this/give me that your not the best mom anymore. So my mom says to him Phil I don’t care moms are aloud to say No sometimes. Then he says well if you say No to me then I won’t do what you say. If he would have said something like that to me his butt would be as red as that beautiful apple that sits on a teachers desk on the first day of school. But my mother deals with it a different way. When I was a kid, my butt would have been beaten. But Phil got a little tap on the butt and put in the shower. He knows he has control of the situation in the house, he plays the parents and buts them against each other. He is completely spoiled. I honestly don’t know if I would do the same if I had one child instead of two, but it does make me sick to my stomach watching him sometimes. I have seen other families with only children, and honestly I feel like there are a lot of parents who play into their one child. Every child that a couple has is special, from one kid to 10, we love them all the same. But those who have only one child I feel put to much into it. They let their children become out of control. I don’t know if its out of fear of being hated or loved less, or if they become over indulged in their one very special child. Now when I write this I do not mean to offend anyone that I might be, I just am voicing my opinion on what I observe.

Only children are extremely loved, which I believe is true as well for Phil. But honestly, I wonder sometimes if he is as spoiled as he is because of my mom’s age as well. My mom being older then she was with us, has made her a bit of a lazier parent. She doesn’t work as hard to get Phil going, and as I have said before I have had a huge hand in raising him as well. I remember when I was potty training him, I would have him using the potty all week long, then my mother would come home and leave for the weekend, and Phil would be back in diapers. She is lazy. I can’t blame her to much though because after Phil was born, we found out my mom had cancer and I think that plays into why she doesn’t want her son to be mad at her. I am sure their are a lot of reasons why families spoil their only child, but it is still some thing I am quite interested in following with other people to find out!. So world, let me know what you think about this topic, I would love to have a debate!

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How foster care can change a child’s life forever.


Chuckie was 9 months old when he was first taken away from his mother. She had fallen asleep after smoking crack for a couple a days and didn’t wake up when he was climbing around. He got his head stuck between a table and the couch and couldn’t get out and ended up being stuck that way for hours. The police came when chuckie’s grandma heard him cry and couldn’t get into the apartment. As soon as they got in they got him out of his situation and took his mother to jail. She got charged with endangerment to the welfare of a child and chuckie was placed in a home. Chuckie had lived in foster care for almost a year before his mother got her life right and got him back.
Foster care had an effect on this child. I honestly cannot tell you what has happened to him while he was in this situation but it definitely shows in the way he is today. For Chuckie to be placed in and out of his mother’s care for 7 years has definitely taken its toll on him emotionally. When he got back into his mom’s custody when he was about 2, he was wild and out of control. He didn’t have any fear, tried jumping out windows, and didn’t care about any punishment that might have been given to him at that time. Like I said, wild and out of control. His mother couldn’t control her child, and tried her best to be a mother to him. In my opinion Chuckie’s mother doesn’t have a motherly bone in her body and doesn’t know what she’s doing when it comes to her child.
When Chuckie’s mother was young her mother was also on crack and ended up losing her kids to the system. Chuckie’s mother never really knew stability because she never really had it. She dropped out when she was 14 years old and ran around and didn’t have anyone holding her back. She moved from place to place and didn’t have any responsibilities. By the time she got pregnant with Chuckie when she was 17 she had no clue what life is suppose to be like. Being a child from the system her self, history sort of repeated itself with her son.
The system is suppose to be built to help those children who are in crisis at home. But in my opinion it makes things worse in some ways. Because of chuckie’s mother being lost in the system her children became lost the same way. There is no stability in foster care for children. And when children from foster care become parents, they have no stability for their children as well. Chuckie’s mother still jumps from place to place and never has a stable home or a leg to stand on to support herself or her children. Chuckie is a lost child.
Chuckie has tons of mental health problems, he throws random tantrums which ends up hurting those around him. He has molested younger children, which I honestly don’t know where that comes from. He also is very deceiving and knows how to lie better then a lot of the adults I know today. I believe he suffers from depression, and he doesn’t understand what stability is. When you have children the most important thing for them to have is stability, because without it they are lost. I honestly believe that on top of chuckie being in a home that is unstable 90% of the time, foster care has a huge affect on who he has become today. Unfortunately I think it might be to late to try and save him and his mind set. Foster care can be a good thing, but there are people that abuse the system just to get money for the children they receive. There are so many children in foster homes that they never know true love. Hopefully Chuckie learns what love is and learns stability as well but like I have said I doubt it. Please feel free to give me your opinions on the system as well!

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The way you talk to your kids can affect their whole outlook on the world.


I have always been the type of mother to talk to my kids about things I probably shouldn’t. My kids have been involved in a lot since the days they were born. My older son Tommy has seen things most kids his age shouldn’t. He has watched his dad beat me up, seen me at my worst when I am struggling with depression, and have watched things go on in our household that he shouldn’t. I believe I was very wrong in the way I talked to my son back then. He was little yet I unknowingly involved him in everything that was going on in my life at that point. My son knows what a PFA is, he knows what drug addiction is and he knows that mommy has been hurt over and over again. When things would happen or when I would get beat up, I would talk to my son about it, trying to explain what was happening and that he should do the opposite. Honestly I don’t know how that will develop within him as he grows older. Tommy is incredibly smart and such an understanding kid. He picks up on everything around him and can repeat back to you almost anything that has been said. When it comes to me and his dad, we have spewed a lot of hatred and evil words to each other for years. My son has listened to all of this and can repeat it back to me. Tommy’s outlook on life has changed because of the things he has experienced since he was born. I hear him say things that shock me to my core. “MOMMY, YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR MEDICINE YOUR BEING CRAZY AGAIN”, Tommy says to me. Other things I would rather not discuss get brought up as well. Dil is 2 and isn’t very developed in his speech yet. But I can sense the anger he has from all the things he has heard and seen. Dil says things in gibberish that sound like something I have said before. And of course he picks up on curse words more than regular speech. I believe that the things I have said to Dil and the things he has seen is why he has behavioral issues. He breaks things, he is clingy when it comes to me, and he even tries to run away. Its hard for me to not include my kids in what’s going on in my head, which I know is wrong. I am not saying that I am completely honest with them, but they do know a lot more then they should. My children are my whole world, but I know I am affecting their outlook on the world. When I tell my sons how upset or sad I am and how broke we are, they don’t get to be care free. They start feeling the same pain that I am feeling at that moment. When I tell my sons how upset I am with their father, even though I don’t go into detail it affects their relationship with their father and how they view him. I know I put a lot of information I shouldn’t in my blogs but I do so to be honest and truthful and to get feed back that has the same qualities.

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How discipline varies in every household.


This morning I woke up my son Tommy for preschool and he told me he didn’t want to go. I informed him that if he didn’t go I would take away his favorite game. That didn’t work, so I told him that if he didn’t go to school mommy would go to jail. That didn’t work either. I had to pick him up, kicking and screaming, and put him in the car. When we got to the preschool he refused to get out of the car and kept locking his door so I couldn’t get him out. I had to unlock the door real fast grab him out and close it again quickly before he climbed back into the car. I then started trying to drag him out of the parking lot while balancing his two year old brother,Dil, on my hip. When we got inside the preschool he repeatedly kicked and hit me, as well as his teacher. And there was nothing I can do, because in the real world I can’t do what I normally would have done. I had to walk out with Tommy still screaming and kicking, and let it go. Any way, to get to the point, I spank my children. I do time outs, and I let spanking be the last straw, but yes it does happen in my household. My sons know that it will happen but have gotten smart enough to know that I won’t do it in public, or in front of anyone else because of the threat of cys. So my kids now know to act out in public because they won’t be disciplined. I do understand that everyone does it differently but that is how I was raised and it worked for me. I was always scared of my dad spanking my butt.
On the other hand my mom doesn’t spank. She did when we were little but as she got older and had another baby 20 years younger than me, she changed her parenting ways. My brother Phil is punished by either taking things away from him, or time outs. That is the more present day approach to disciplining your child. I am not sure if it works or not, but I do know Phil listens to his teachers in and out of daycare when they do that to him. Phil is a little bit of a spoiled child though and sometimes it shows. Its really hard for him not to be a spoiled child with three older sisters and he is his fathers only child. He is very loved and yes spoiled because of whose around and how he is being raised. He has an attitude problem but other then that he is very well behaved.
Now on to Chuckie, my seven year old nephew. Chuckie has always been disciplined and disciplined hard. Since he was very small his mom actually would beat him, face, mouth, butt, where ever she could hit she would. Chuckie has a lot of fear of his mom, I am not sure if that is right or wrong. She calls him names, hurts him, and embarrasses him in public when he does something wrong. Chuckie still acts out though even though his mother does these things to him. I don’t know if its because the punishment isn’t stable or if it’s because he is becoming immune to the act. She is raising her other son the same way. Chuckie throws horrible temper tantrums where he throws things, hurts people and breaks things. I know the kid has a lot of different issues but I am curious how discipline comes into play. Chuckie’s mom tries to make everyone discipline her child the same way she does, which okay fine I can see not getting in the way of a parent disciplining their child. But to make someone else do what you do to your kids even if you don’t agree with it, I am not sure that’s right. She won’t think twice about smacking your kid across the face either.
Anyway the point of this post is to kind of explore the different means of discipline in peoples households. I honestly as a parent don’t know what the right way to discipline a child is, I mean everyone has their own opinion. Is it right to spank your child? Or should you just throw them in time out? Or do you beat the hell out of them? Come on America, let me know what you think and what your opinions are.